Asking Questions and Listening Well: Mastering the Art of Spiritual Conversations
Sharing Jesus isn't about winning conversations. It isn't about having the quickest answer or knowing how to respond to every objection. Often, one of the most Christlike things we can do is slow down and listen.
People have stories, experiences, fears, assumptions, disappointments and hopes. If we want to help people genuinely consider Jesus, we need to understand what is actually going on in front of us. The goal is not merely to get someone to agree with Christianity. The goal is to love a person and help them honestly encounter Jesus.
That means we listen first.
If you've arrived here directly, you're welcome to start reading - each page stands on its own. Or begin at the series overview to follow the full journey in sequence.
Listen to understand, not just to respond
There is a massive difference between hearing someone's words and understanding what they mean.
Someone might say, "I don't believe in God"…But what does that actually mean?
Perhaps they have philosophical objections. Perhaps they were deeply hurt by Christians. Perhaps they have never seriously considered Christianity. Perhaps they believe in spirituality but reject organised religion. Perhaps they prayed for something and felt God didn't answer. Perhaps they simply inherited their beliefs from their family.
If we immediately start answering an objection they aren't actually asking, we've stopped listening.
Instead, listen for the belief. What do they actually believe?
Listen for the reason. Why do they believe it?
Listen for the experience. What happened that shaped that belief?
Listen for the assumptions. What are they taking for granted?
And listen for the heart. Is there fear, disappointment, guilt, pride, hurt, longing or confusion underneath the argument?
This is where Christian conversation becomes more than exchanging information. You're no longer simply responding to an idea. You're getting to know a person. Luke 24 gives us a remarkable picture of this. After His resurrection, Jesus joined two disciples walking to Emmaus. He knew what had happened, yet He asked them, "What are you discussing together as you walk along?"
Jesus already knew the answer. Yet He allowed them to speak. He listened to their understanding of what had happened before explaining the Scriptures and showing them how everything pointed to Himself. Jesus didn't merely give them information. He first uncovered what they understood, what they hoped for and where they had become confused.
That is a powerful model for us.
When someone tells you what they believe, resist the temptation to immediately correct them.
Listen. Ask. Understand.
Pray quietly for the Holy Spirit to give you wisdom and compassion. Because sometimes the most important thing you can discover in a conversation isn't which objection you need to answer. It's who the person actually is. And once you understand the person, you can begin helping them examine what they believe and pointing them toward Jesus.
The Holy Spirit and conversations
There is a danger in teaching Christians how to listen and ask good questions. It can start to sound like a communication-skills course. But Christian evangelism is not about becoming clever conversationalists. It is about becoming faithful disciples who love people, depend on the Holy Spirit and point people toward Jesus.
Before a conversation, pray. Ask God to help you see the person rather than simply the argument. During the conversation, listen. Pay attention to what they say, what they don't say, and what may be happening beneath their words.
Ask questions. You don't need to have every question prepared. Sometimes the best question is simply the one that comes naturally from genuinely listening. And sometimes the Spirit will prompt you with a specific insight about what's really happening beneath the surface - something you couldn't have worked out on your own. Trust those promptings. And don't panic when you don't know the answer.
You can say:
"I don't know, but I'd be happy to look into that with you."
There is no shame in that. We don't need to pretend to know everything in order to faithfully represent Jesus. Most importantly, don't feel that you have to control the outcome.
We can speak truthfully and lovingly, but we cannot change someone's heart. The Holy Spirit convicts, reveals truth and draws people to Christ. Our responsibility is to faithfully participate in what God is doing. Before a conversation, you might pray, "Holy Spirit, help me love this person, listen well, recognise what is really going on, and know when to speak about Jesus." That changes how we approach evangelism.
We're not thinking, "How can I get this person to believe what I believe?" but instead, "Lord, how can I faithfully love this person and point them toward Jesus?"
Sometimes that means asking a question. Sometimes sharing Scripture, telling your story, praying for someone or simply listening. Evangelism isn't something we perform for God. It is participation in what God is doing. So pray. Listen. Ask. Speak when the opportunity comes. And trust the Holy Spirit with the result.
Listening when you are speaking to a stranger: Street evangelism
Much of the advice on this page is especially useful in relational evangelism, where you may have many conversations with the same person over time.
You often begin with someone who knows nothing about you and may only give you a few minutes.
This time component is the only difference-nothing else changes. The principles of genuine love, respect, and active listening remain exactly the same whether you are talking to a lifelong neighbor or someone sitting next to you for a ten-minute commute.
That doesn't mean you stop listening. It means you learn to listen quickly, respectfully and purposefully.
On the street, you may not have time to uncover someone's entire story. You are looking for enough understanding to know how to speak appropriately and whether the person is willing to continue. For example, instead of launching immediately into a prepared presentation, you might ask:
"Can I ask you a quick question about God?"
Or:
"Do you ever think about spiritual things?"
Or, if the conversation has already started:
"What do you believe about Jesus?"
Then listen to the answer you actually receive.
Someone who says, "I'm an atheist because Christians have hurt me," has given you a very different starting point from someone who says, "I don't believe because there isn't enough evidence." Both may need to hear the gospel, but they may need to be approached differently.
Real world settings - the principle stays the same
Whether you are standing in a public square or navigating a routine daily errand, the mechanics of listening to a stranger look remarkably similar.
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In the Supermarket Checkout Line: You strike up a brief chat with the person scanning your groceries while waiting for the payment to clear. You only have sixty seconds, but you can still listen to their tone and ask an intentional question like, "How is your week going so far?" When they mention being overwhelmed by stress, you can briefly pivot to spiritual encouragement without needing a multi-week relationship to care about their burden.
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On the Bus or Train: Sharing a row on public transit offers a captive, albeit time-bound, window. If a commuter is reading a book or looking out the window, you respect their space. But if a natural opening arises - perhaps bonding over a delayed schedule - you can transition from casual weather talk to spiritual things by asking, "Do you ever find yourself looking for peace in the middle of a hectic commute?"
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At a Coffee Shop or Park Bench: Sitting next to a stranger gives you slightly more breathing room - perhaps five to fifteen minutes while you both finish your coffee. Here, you have the luxury of a slightly deeper exchange: asking an open-ended question, listening carefully to their push backs or questions about faith, and tailoring your response to where they are right now.
In every single one of these scenarios, the only variable is how much time you have. Your posture of attentive, loving listening does not change.
For example, instead of launching immediately into a prepared presentation, you might ask:
"Can I ask you a quick question about God?"
Or:
"Do you ever think about spiritual things?"
Or, if the conversation has already started:
"What do you believe about Jesus?"
Then listen to the answer you actually receive.
Someone who says, "I'm an atheist because Christians have hurt me," has given you a very different starting point from someone who says, "I don't believe because there isn't enough evidence." Both may need to hear the gospel, but they may need to be approached differently.
Street evangelism doesn't require a long relationship
While relational evangelism often allows trust to develop over numerous conversations, transient settings like a bus ride or supermarket aisle may afford you only a few minutes to establish enough rapport for someone to listen. This brief window, however, does not mean you should try to manufacture instant intimacy.
Instead, approach these fleeting interactions by being genuinely friendly and respectful, introducing yourself naturally, and asking permission before steering the conversation toward personal or explicitly Christian topics. Always give the other person an easy opportunity to decline, pay close attention to whether they truly want to continue, and avoid treating a stranger as though you already know their story. If they do show a willingness to talk, make good use of the opportunity.
The absence of an existing relationship changes the setting, not the need for genuine love.
You may never see the person again. That makes it even more important not to treat them as a project or as a target to be converted. They are a person made in the image of God, and your task is to faithfully point them to Jesus.
Listen for the next step, not every detail
Street and transit conversations can move quickly. You don't necessarily need to ask ten questions before speaking about Jesus.
A useful pattern is:
Ask → Listen → Clarify → Speak → Listen.
If someone gives a short answer, you may only need one follow-up question. If they open up about something significant, slow down and listen. The goal is to understand enough to speak truthfully and appropriately into the conversation.
And remember: a short conversation can still be a faithful conversation. You may only have time to ask a question, listen to the answer, share the gospel clearly and leave the person with something to think about before their bus stop arrives.
Compassion without compromise
Listening well requires compassion. But Christian compassion does not mean agreeing with everything someone believes - this is an important distinction.
We can say:
"I can understand why you would feel that way."
without saying:
"Therefore, what you believe must be true."
Jesus was full of grace and truth. We should be too.
When someone tells you about a belief you disagree with, take them seriously. Don't mock them. Don't caricature another religion. Don't rely on stereotypes. Don't assume you understand someone's position simply because you've heard a criticism of it before.
Listen to what they actually believe. And when someone's rejection of Christianity comes from pain, take that pain seriously too. Perhaps they experienced hypocrisy from Christians. Perhaps someone who claimed to follow Jesus treated them terribly. Perhaps they experienced suffering and felt that God was absent. Don't immediately turn someone's pain into an apologetics opportunity.
Sometimes the most Christlike response is simply:
"I'm really sorry that happened."
That isn't weakness. It's love. But compassion must not become compromise.
We don't love people by pretending that every belief is equally true.
We don't help someone by hiding what Jesus taught because we are afraid of offending them.
The purpose of listening isn't to make people comfortable enough to agree with us. The purpose is to love them enough to help them honestly encounter Jesus.
That means we can be genuinely interested in someone's beliefs while still believing that Jesus is Lord. We can respect a Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, atheist or person of another worldview without pretending that Christianity and their beliefs say the same thing.
We can ask questions without being manipulative. We can disagree without being hostile. We can speak truth without being arrogant. And we can trust the Holy Spirit rather than feeling that we have to force a result. The Holy Spirit does not need us to manipulate someone into belief.
Our responsibility is simpler - and more demanding - Love them. Listen to them. Speak truthfully. Point them to Jesus.
We are not responsible for controlling their response. We are responsible for being faithful. That changes the way we approach conversations. We're not trying to defeat a person. We're trying to serve them. We're not trying to win an argument. We're trying to help someone see clearly. And we're not trying to manufacture a conversion. We're trusting God while faithfully presenting Jesus as He really is.
Find common ground without hiding the difference
As you listen to someone, look for points of connection. Most spiritual conversations have them. Paul gives us a helpful example in Acts 17 . When speaking in Athens, he didn't begin by insulting the people or pretending their beliefs were correct. He observed their religious devotion and used something familiar to them as a starting point.
This gives us a useful principle - Find common ground - but don't hide where Jesus differs. You might discover shared moral convictions. A shared concern for justice. A shared longing for forgiveness. A shared belief that certain things are genuinely wrong. A shared recognition that something is broken in humanity. A shared desire for meaning. A shared question about death, purpose, guilt, suffering or God.
These points of connection can open a door. But common ground isn't the destination - it's the bridge. The question to keep asking is, Where does Jesus take this further? For example, someone might say:
"I believe all religions basically teach people to be good."
Rather than immediately responding, "That's not true," you could ask:
"What makes you think they're all teaching the same thing?"
Then:
"Do you think the different religions actually agree about who God is?"
And perhaps:
"What do you think Christianity is actually claiming about how we're made right with God?"
Now you're no longer arguing about a vague statement. You're examining it. And this is where questions become powerful.
Suppose someone believes that being a good person is what gets us to heaven. Rather than immediately launching into a theological lecture, you might ask:
"How good do you think someone has to be?"
Then:
"Who decides what level of goodness is enough?"
Then:
"What happens when we've done things we know are wrong?"
And eventually:
"If we could earn our way to God by being good enough, why did Jesus need to die?"
Those questions can expose an assumption the person may never have considered.
Christianity offers something radically different. The gospel isn't that we climb our way up to God by accumulating enough good works. It is that God has acted for us in Jesus Christ. Jesus lived the obedient life we have failed to live. He bore our sin. He died in our place. He rose again. We are called to repent, believe in Him and follow Him.
So questions can help move a conversation from:
"I think I'm a good person."
to:
"On what basis do I think I'm right with God?"
That's a much deeper question.
Finding common ground isn't about watering down Christianity. It's about starting where the person is and helping them see where Jesus leads.
Suggested additional resources
- Are all religions essentially the same path to God?
- Can good people go to heaven without Jesus?
- How can Christianity be the only true religion?
Questions uncover what people really believe
This should naturally follow from listening and finding common ground. Proverbs 20:5 says, "The intentions of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out."
People often hold beliefs they have never seriously examined. They may have inherited them from their parents, absorbed them from culture, heard them repeatedly at school or online, or simply assumed they were true because "everyone knows" they are. A good question can gently bring those assumptions into the light. Rather than telling someone what they believe, ask them.
You can ask about their beliefs:
"What do you believe?"
"What do you think happens after death?"
"What do you believe about God?"
You can ask about their reasons:
"What makes you think that's true?"
"Why do you believe that?"
"How did you arrive at that conclusion?"
You can ask about their sources:
"Where did you learn that?"
"Have you ever looked into what Jesus actually taught?"
You can ask about their experiences:
"Has something happened that shaped the way you see this?"
"Have you always believed that?"
You can ask about the implications:
"If that's true, what would follow from it?"
"What would that mean for how we should live?"
And you can ask about unanswered questions:
"Is there anything about that view that you struggle to explain?"
"Have you ever wondered whether there could be another explanation?"
This isn't a lesson in interrogating - generally a couple of questions like these are enough to give you an opening. It's to help them think. And sometimes the most significant moment in a spiritual conversation happens when a person hears themselves answer their own question. For example, if someone says:
"I believe there is no absolute truth"
You don't necessarily need to immediately argue against it, instead you might ask:
"Is that absolutely true?"
The question exposes the assumption. This approach is particularly important when speaking with people from other religions and worldviews. Don't simply tell them what their religion teaches. Ask what they believe, then examine those beliefs together. And then, bring the conversation back to Jesus.
What did He say? What did He claim? What did He call people to do? Does what we believe actually stand up when placed alongside the words of Christ? Questions aren't a trick for getting people into a corner. Used rightly, they are an act of love. They give people space to examine what they have believed and ask whether it is actually true. And that matters because following Jesus begins with truth. We aren't calling people merely to adopt Christianity as another opinion. We're calling them to repent, believe, follow Jesus and obey Him.
Ask questions that expose assumptions
Good questions don't simply keep a conversation going. They can help someone discover what they actually believe - and whether their beliefs make sense when followed to their logical conclusion.
Everything we do should be based on the example Jesus set out. He didn't merely lecture people. He asked questions, to expose the heart:
"Who do you say I am?" (Mat 16:15)
"What do you want me to do for you?" (Mar 10:51)
"Why are you afraid?" (Mat 8:26)
Jesus connects belief with obedience.
"Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I say?" (Luk 6:46)
"What is written in the Law?" (Luk 10:26)
Jesus exposes priorities - He made the person engage with what they already claim to believe.
"What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?" (Mark 8:36)
The point isn't to copy Jesus' exact questions mechanically. It's to learn how Jesus used questions to reach the heart. He wasn't asking questions because He lacked information. He asked questions because people needed to confront what was inside them.
We're not trying to confuse people, unsettle them for the sake of winning an argument, or knock down someone's worldview simply so we can feel that we've won. Instead, we want to help people honestly examine the foundations of what they believe.
Jesus is not threatened by honest questions.
Truth doesn't need manipulation.
As followers of Jesus, we can patiently invite people to examine their assumptions and consider whether what they believe is actually true.
Start with what they have said
Suppose someone says:
"You have to be a good person to get to heaven."
It's tempting to immediately respond:
"No, salvation is by grace through faith."
That's true, but you may have missed an opportunity. Instead, slow down. Ask:
"What do you mean by being a good person?"
Then one or more of:
"How good do you think someone has to be?"
"Who decides what level of goodness is enough?"
"What happens when we fail?"
"How would you know when you've done enough?"
Notice what is happening. You're not attacking the person. You're helping them examine the belief they've just expressed. Perhaps they say:
"Well, God knows our hearts. He'll judge whether we've been good enough."
You could ask:
"Do you think anyone has lived perfectly?"
Then one of:
"If we've all done things we know are wrong, what should God do with our guilt?"
"If God is perfectly just, should He simply overlook wrongdoing?"
Now the conversation is moving somewhere deeper, and you can introduce the gospel.
"This is one of the things I find so powerful about Jesus. Christianity doesn't tell me that I have to accumulate enough good works to convince God to accept me. It tells me that I can't make myself righteous enough. Jesus did for me what I could never do for myself."
You can explain that Jesus lived the righteous life we failed to live, bore the price of our sin, died for us and rose again. Salvation isn't something we earn by accumulating enough good deeds. It is God's grace, received through faith in Christ.
The conversation has moved from "I need to be good enough." to "How could I ever know that I'm good enough?" to "What if my hope isn't in what I've done, but in what Christ has done?" That's a much more natural doorway into the gospel.
Follow the belief to its implications
This works with almost any worldview.
Someone says:
"There is no absolute truth."
Ask:
"Is that statement absolutely true?"
If someone says:
"Everyone should just follow their heart."
Ask:
"Do you think our hearts are always trustworthy?"
"What happens when what you want conflicts with what you know is right?"
Someone says:
"All religions are basically the same."
Ask:
"What makes you think that?"
"Do they actually teach the same things about God?"
"Do they agree about how we are made right with God?"
If Someone says:
"I don't need religion. I'm a good person."
Ask:
"What do you think makes someone genuinely good?"
"Do you think being a good person means never doing anything wrong?"
"What should happen when we do wrong?"
"Have you ever looked at what Jesus says about our need for forgiveness?"
And so on…
The point isn't to trap people. The point is to help them move from unexamined assumptions to honest reflection. And when an assumption begins to crumble, don't rush to fill the gap with another argument.
Let them think.
Let the Holy Spirit work. Then point them toward Jesus. Because the ultimate goal isn't simply for someone to discover that their old worldview has problems. It's for them to encounter the One who is the way, the truth and the life.
Questions are a tool. Jesus is the destination.
Questions That Open Doors
It is helpful to have a few types of questions ready - not as a script, but as tools you can use naturally. You don't need to memorise dozens of clever questions. You simply need to learn to become curious about people.
Understanding questions
These help you discover what someone actually means.
"What do you mean by that?"
"How did you come to believe that?"
"What led you to that conclusion?"
"Can you tell me more about that?"
"When you say 'God,' what do you mean by God?"
That last question can be especially important.
Two people can use the same word while meaning completely different things.
Assumption questions
These help bring hidden foundations into the open.
"What makes you think that's true?"
"What do you think that belief is based on?"
"How would you know if that belief were wrong?"
"What would make you reconsider it?"
"Does that belief work consistently?"
"What follows if that's actually true?"
These questions aren't designed to make someone feel stupid. Ask them with genuine curiosity. If you wouldn't want someone asking you a question with a particular attitude, don't ask it that way.
Reflection questions
These encourage someone to stop and think.
"Have you ever thought about that before?"
"Does that explanation actually satisfy you?"
"Where do you think that belief leads?"
"Have you ever struggled with that?"
"What do you think that means for how we should live?"
Sometimes a person has never been asked these questions.
That alone can be significant.
Jesus-centred questions
But eventually, the conversation needs to move beyond abstract spirituality. Bring it to Jesus.
"What do you think Jesus actually taught about that?"
"Have you ever read what Jesus said about it?"
"What do you make of Jesus?"
"Who do you think Jesus was?"
"What do you think Jesus meant when He said that?"
"If Jesus really is Lord, what would that mean for how we live?"
That last question is especially important for this kind of discipleship.
Jesus isn't simply someone we form an opinion about. He is Lord.
It isn't "Do I agree with Jesus?" but more succinctly, "Am I going to obey Him?"
Permission questions
Small questions can make a surprisingly large difference to the tone of a conversation.
Instead of abruptly launching into a Bible passage, try:
"Can I ask you something?"
"Would you mind if I shared how I see that?"
"Can I show you something Jesus said?"
"Would you be open to looking at what the Bible says about that?"
These aren't tricks. They're ways of treating another person with respect. You're not forcing your way into their conversation. You're inviting them to consider something. And if they say no, respect that. We don't need to manipulate people. We can trust God enough to allow people to say no.
Put it into practice
Imagine you're sitting with a friend who says:
"I think there are many ways to God."
Don't immediately give them a ten-minute explanation. Try:
"What makes you think there are many ways?"
Listen.
Then perhaps:
"Do you think all religions actually teach the same thing about God?"
Listen again. Then:
"Have you ever looked at what Jesus says about Himself?"
If they're open:
"Would you be interested in looking at one of His claims together?"
Now you're having a conversation rather than delivering a presentation. That's the skill we're trying to develop:
Be interested. Ask. Listen. Clarify. Think. Then point to Jesus.
The Holy Spirit can use a simple question far more powerfully than a rehearsed speech.
Listening after you ask
One of the easiest ways to ruin a good question is to ask it and then immediately answer it yourself. A question is not a technique for getting your turn to speak. Ask. Then listen. Give the person time to think. Don't rescue them from silence. Don't immediately correct every wrong statement. Don't mentally prepare your next argument while they're answering. Listen to the answer they actually give. Sometimes their first answer isn't their deepest answer. A few seconds of silence may allow them to think more honestly.
You might ask:
"Why do you believe that?"
They might say:
"I don't know. I guess that's just what I've always believed."
That's useful. Don't immediately jump in with your own explanation. You could simply ask:
"Have you ever had a reason to question it?"
And listen again. Perhaps they say:
"Actually, yes. Something happened a few years ago…"
Now you've discovered something important. The conversation has moved from an intellectual statement to a personal story.
The pattern
A simple pattern to remember is:
Listen → Ask → Listen → Ask → Listen → Speak.
Not:
Ask → Wait two seconds → Give your answer.
The second approach may feel like a conversation to you, but the other person may feel like they're being interrogated. The first approach communicates:
"I genuinely want to understand you."
Try this exercise
For your next spiritual conversation, deliberately try to ask more questions than you normally would. You might even aim to ask twice as many questions as you answer. But please don't turn this into a quota. The goal is to understand the person well enough that when you do speak, you're actually speaking into their situation.
In a relational conversation, that may mean taking plenty of time. In street evangelism, it may mean asking one good question, listening carefully to the answer and then responding to what you actually heard. Don't let the desire to ask more questions prevent you from proclaiming the gospel when the door is open. For example, if someone says:
"I stopped believing in God because I prayed for my mother to be healed and she died."
That is not the moment to demonstrate how many answers you know about the problem of suffering. Listen. Compassion first. You might say:
"That must have been incredibly painful."
Then:
"Did that experience change what you thought about God?"
And listen. You may eventually have an opportunity to talk about Jesus, suffering, resurrection and hope. But you don't need to force the entire gospel into the first thirty seconds.
Don't be afraid of silence
Silence can feel uncomfortable. Resist the urge to fill it. When you ask:
"What do you think Jesus was claiming about Himself?"
They may need time so let them think. Sometimes the pause is where the real conversation begins. And remember to listen to more than words. Pay attention to emotion. Is their voice changing? Are they becoming defensive? Are they excited? Are they grieving? Are they suddenly curious? Those things can tell you where the conversation needs to go next.
This is one reason we need the Holy Spirit. Christian evangelism isn't simply a communication technique. We are speaking with real people, and we need God's wisdom to know when to speak, when to listen, when to ask another question and when to simply love someone.
So don't just learn how to ask better questions.
Learn how to listen for what God may be revealing through the conversation.
Then respond faithfully.
When should I stop asking questions?
Questions aren't inherently better than statements. There comes a point when Jesus needs to be proclaimed. This is an important balance. We listen because we care. We ask questions because we want to understand. We expose false assumptions because truth matters. But eventually, we speak.
Jesus asked many questions, but He didn't spend His entire ministry asking questions. He proclaimed the Kingdom of God. He called people to repentance. He announced the good news. He revealed who He was. He called people to follow Him. Paul also reasoned with people and asked questions, but in Acts 17 he ultimately proclaimed Jesus and the resurrection. The same should be true of us.
A simple progression
Think of the conversation like this:
Listen → Understand → Ask → Clarify → Examine assumptions → Proclaim Jesus.
Sometimes you may move through that progression in five minutes. Sometimes it may happen over months. Sometimes the person isn't ready to go any further. That's okay. Faithfulness doesn't mean forcing every conversation to its conclusion in five minutes.
In street evangelism, however, five minutes may be all you have. Don't assume that because you cannot build a long relationship you cannot have a meaningful evangelistic conversation. Listen well, establish enough context to understand what the person is saying, and when the opportunity is there, speak clearly about Jesus. If the person needs to leave, respect that. A brief conversation can still plant a seed, answer a question, present the gospel or open a door for a future conversation.
But don't use "I'm just asking questions" as an excuse for never actually sharing the gospel. Eventually, someone needs to hear what Jesus has done. You may reach a point where you can say:
"Can I tell you why I believe differently?"
Or:
"Would you mind if I explained how Jesus changed the way I see that?"
Or:
"Can I show you what Jesus says about this?"
And then speak clearly. Tell them about Jesus. Tell them what He has done. Tell them what He calls us to do. Call them to consider Him honestly.
Know when you've opened the door
Sometimes the person will ask:
"So what do you believe?"
That's an open door. Walk through it.
Sometimes they'll say:
"I've never thought about it that way."
That's an open door. Ask another question or offer to explore it together.
Sometimes they'll ask:
"What does the Bible actually say?"
That's an open door. Open the Bible.
Sometimes they'll tell you:
"I don't know what I believe anymore."
That's an open door but also an invitation to walk alongside them rather than immediately give them every answer.
And sometimes they'll say:
"I don't want to talk about this."
Then stop. We don't have to force the conversation.
The goal isn't a perfect conversation
You will sometimes ask the wrong question. You'll talk too much. You'll miss an opportunity. You'll realise later that you should have listened longer. Don't become paralysed by that. You're a disciple learning to make disciples. Depend on the Holy Spirit.
Pray. Be faithful. Learn from the conversation. Try again.
The goal isn't to become a master conversationalist. It is to become a faithful follower of Jesus who is willing to love people, listen to them, speak truth, and point them toward Christ.
People don't need us merely to help them question their worldview.
They need to encounter Jesus.
The next page your testimony is the natural progression as the next step - what Jesus has done in your life and why you follow Him.
Putting this into practise
It's easy to read about listening well and assume we're already good at it. But authentic discipleship requires us to turn the question back on ourselves. How do I actually listen to people?
Think honestly about your conversations. Do I interrupt more than I listen? Am I listening to understand, or simply waiting for my opportunity to respond? When someone challenges Christianity, do I become defensive? Do I assume I already know what someone believes because I've heard the same argument before? Am I genuinely interested in people who disagree with me? Do I care about the person, or am I mainly interested in winning the conversation? Can I listen to someone's painful experience without immediately trying to correct their conclusions? Can I disagree with someone while still treating them with dignity? Am I willing to say, "I don't know." And perhaps the most revealing question, Would someone who disagrees with me still feel that I genuinely cared about them?
Jesus didn't treat people as projects. He saw people. He listened to people. He asked questions that reached beneath the surface. He spoke truth, but He also showed compassion. As followers of Jesus, our conversations should reflect Him. This doesn't mean becoming soft on truth. It means becoming more like Christ in the way we carry truth.
We can listen carefully without compromising. We can disagree without becoming hostile. We can ask difficult questions without becoming arrogant. We can speak truth without treating people like opponents.
The end goal is to know our Maker personally.
It is to make our Maker known - by our speech, by our actions, by our character reflecting Jesus. By our love for God and love for people, to draw them to Christ.
Become a listener
It's easy to learn about listening and then forget everything when a real conversation happens. This week, have one intentional spiritual conversation. This could be with someone you know, or it could be a respectful conversation with someone you meet while doing street evangelism. Don't make your primary goal to win the conversation. Make your primary goal to understand the person and faithfully point them toward Jesus.
Ask questions such as:
"What do you believe?"
"Why do you believe that?"
"What experiences have shaped that belief?"
"What questions do you still have?"
"What do you think Jesus would say about that?"
Then listen.
Don't rush to fill the silence. Don't interrupt to correct every statement. Don't immediately prepare your counterargument. Listen to the person in front of you.
Before you begin, pray:
"Holy Spirit, help me love this person, listen well, and know when to speak."
Afterward, take a few minutes to reflect.
What did I learn about this person that I didn't know before?
What assumptions did I hear?
What seemed to be underneath their beliefs-experience, fear, disappointment, questions or hope?
Where did their worldview leave unanswered questions?
Where might Jesus naturally enter the conversation?
And ask one final question:
Did this conversation make me more concerned about winning - or more concerned about loving this person and pointing them toward Christ?
Faithfulness doesn't always mean finishing the conversation in one sitting. Sometimes you've simply opened a door. The next conversation may go further but now you are taking steps in that direction.
Remember
A disciple listens because Jesus loved people.
We ask because people matter and because truth matters. We listen carefully. We ask honestly.
Examine assumptions gently and refuse to compromise on truth. When the opportunity arises, we point people to Jesus. We don't do this to win the conversations; but to faithfully love the person, speak the truth and help them take a step toward Jesus. Trust Holy Spirit with what happens next.